It has long been a tradition here in The Grandstand to bestow "Horse's Ass" citations to various and sundry folks in various and sundry walks of life, and there are few fields more fertile for developing Horse's Asses than college football (and, to a lesser extent, basketball) coaches. So much so, in fact, that I have considered changing the name of the Citation to the "Dabo Swinney Award." Still, who would have guessed that such a citation would be awarded so quickly in Week Zero of the 2022 College Football season, but here we are, and the first - I'm sure it won't be that last - Horse's Ass Award goes to...
Because of my connection to Duquesne (parents and a brother who are alumni), I watched this one, and the game went pretty much according to script. The Seminoles built up a commanding 26-0 lead, and the game wasn't even that close, before the Dukes forced them to punt with about forty seconds remaining in the first half. Duquesne gets the ball deep in their own territory and clearly intend to run out the clock before going into the locker room at the half. Classy Coach Norvell than proceeds to use all three of his time outs after each Duquesne play, forcing Duquesne to punt with :05 remaining and then makes an all out effort to block the punt. The Dukes punter does get the kick off and puts it out of bounds as the clock runs out, but not before Norvell has a heated discussion with the zebras claiming that the ball went out of bounds with :01 remaining and the FSU should get to run a play before the half ended. The refs obviously told him to stick his claim up his ass and went off into the locker room.
I didn't watch the second half of a game that ended 47-7. I wonder if Norvell had his players out for additional two-a-days this week for having given up a touchdown to lowly Duquesne?
Congrats on being such a Horse's Ass, Mike. You have certainly earned it, and thank you for giving us another school and coach to root against this coming season.
One more thing about that Duquesne-Florida State game. It was televised on the ACC Network, and I am guessing that the two announcers, don't remember their names, nor do I care, had probably never even heard of Duquesne University. However, what with Duquesne being located in Pittsburgh, the producers loaded up these two guys with all sorts of "Pittsburgh stuff" to show how smart they were. Thus, Coach Jerry Schmitt was a "dedicated Yinzer" who was fluent in "Pittsburghese" and we were told that the team trained on Primanti Brothers sandwiches. I missed it if they said that the Dukes brought their "lunch pails" and "blue collar work ethic" to the game, but I'm sure they threw that in there somewhere. The only thing missing were stock film shots of open hearth furnaces producing molten steel and references to Michael Keaton.
Can we stop with this kind of stuff already?
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