In response to post of two days ago, Lessons in Human Nature, my wife Linda asked for the chance to respond. Don't worry, folks, this is the last time - I hope! - that I will feel the need to broach this subject on the Blog, but I thank you for listening/reading.
Take it away, Linda....
Dear Grandstander,
May I please have the “Stand” for a moment, to comment on your recent post titled, “Lessons in Human Nature.”
Oxford defines “Human Nature” as the “general psychological characteristics, feelings and behavioral traits of humankind, regarded as shared by all humans.”
Gossip, including sharing of judgmental opinions, non-truths and pure speculation - I believe fall into the category of “Human Nature.”
We are human and therefore, we are all guilty of “Human Nature.” We say and do things that sometimes we regret and wish we could take back. Perhaps the behavioral traits of humankind that supposedly we all share make us pause and offer apologies or prompt us for an opportunity to have a respectful discussion about our misunderstandings, hurts and angst.
“Human Nature” is a part of life. We all learn to deal.
May I please offer to your audience that a lot of the behavior I have experienced from others over the last 2 years does not fit the definition of “Human Nature” and the fact that after 2 years my husband still needs to defend me (which by the way, is one of the million reasons I am blessed to have him in my life), is beyond any understanding and are not experiences that one can simply “forgive and forget.”
Yes, I can forgive, and I have prayed for the strength to continue forgiving. I believe in the command of forgiveness.
But if someone hurts you repeatedly, you are not expected to continue to allow them to hurt you. This is no longer “Human Nature”, it is pure evil when someone continues to attack you directly to your face. The comments are extremely painful and quite unforgettable.
If anyone has a suggestion on how to “forgive AND forget” a neighbor who you have only met casually one time, feeling the need to shout out to you as you walk past your own home, “Move bitch, no one wants you here”, or “How do you sleep at night in Marilyn’s beautiful home”, please let me know. Or experiencing a neighbor feeling the need to tell you that your next-door neighbor refers to you as “The Whore next door.”
If anyone has a suggestion on how to address “friends” continued comments that “it was too soon”, “he can’t possibly love you after loving his wife for 47 years”, “how do you allow him to post memories and pictures of Marilyn?”, “how do you still allow pictures of her in the house?”, please let me know.
I forgive, but please don’t expect me to ever forget.
And for those of you who inevitably are thinking, well, you put this stuff on Facebook, what do you expect? Stop following us. Stop reading Bob’s posts. If you really care, (which I know 99 percent of you truly do and I thank God every day for your love and support, especially for Bob), then you would know that my husband finds the utmost comfort in his posts and blogs. It’s part of who he is and a large part of his grief journey. If you are not familiar with what is a grief journey, it’s a lifelong process that follows no rules, regulations, paths, and is an extremely unique journey for everyone who finds themselves unfortunately on one. I have wholeheartedly stood beside Bob in his grief journey and if someone feels the need to judge me in a human nature way or evil way because of my life/love decisions, go ahead and bring it. Marilyn will always be honored in this house, in our lives. The pictures and memories of her will always be alive in this home that Bob has graciously and lovingly opened to me. I will always hang 3 stockings on our fireplace. She loved Christmas and we will never forget her love for Christmas. We will always celebrate her birthday and go to mass on the anniversary of her death. I will always embrace the words “I still miss and love her.”
As our dear friend, Tim Baker put it best, “some people are incapable of processing emotional and intellectual situations that are more complex than a bumper sticker....people can’t deal with it, it’s over their heads.”
Mr. Grandstander, I suggest we take heed to these wise words. No one can possibly understand what we have, and I personally am okay with that.
So here’s my new bumper sticker - “I AM MARRIED TO THE GRANDSTANDER. LIFE IS GOOD!”
Bravo Linda, well said and thank you Bob for sharing the podium.❤️
ReplyDeleteGreat job Linda. We all deserve happiness. ❤️
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, Marilyn would never condone your neighbors behavior. Marilyn was one of my best friends and I personally know she was more worried about Bob herself and did not want him to be alone. She wanted him to find someone! The rest of these people need to accept this and start to treat Linda kindly as well as Bob. In the scheme of all this, those judge mental people are not important. Screw them!
ReplyDeleteLinda, this is your neighbor's problem, not yours, although it must be so difficult to put up with it when you are in such close proximity. Your neighbor is obviously incapable of love and understanding. I can’t help but wonder if she is mentally unstable. As another friend commented, Marilyn would never condone this behavior, and I am sure that she is pleased that Bob has found love again. Keep taking good care of him. Zelda too. Love, Jeannie
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