The H.A. Citations - Olympics Edition

It has been some time since The Grandstander has bestowed a not-so-coveted H.A. Citation, but the soon to be completed Rio Olympics has given me ample opportunity to bestow these things left and right, so let's do it with an Olympic theme, shall we.  In case any readers may not know what "H.A." stands for this glance at the Citation should clear up all doubts...

(Photo courtesy of Dan Bonk Enterprises)

Okay, ready?  Here we go....

H.A. Citation Honorable Mention

This Honorable Mention goes out to Patrick Hickey, a 71 year old Irishman who is a member of that wonderful group of folks, the International Olympic Committee.  Mr. Hickey was arrested this past Wednesday at the IOC hotel in Rio and is facing , according to the Associated Press "charges of conspiracy, ticket scalping, and ambush marketing after allegations by Brazilian authorities that he was part of a plot to make $3 million by illegally selling Rio Games tickets above face value."  Upon his arrest, Hickey complained of chest pains and was taken to the hospital, but he has since been cleared, health-wise, and now stands before the bar of Brazilian justice.  

For helping to maintain the high (low?) standards of corruption, graft, and bribery that has characterized the true spirit of the IOC for lo these many years, this one's for you, Patrick!

Bronze Medal

This one goes out to Katinka Hosszu's Husband/Coach.  As the lovely and talented Hungarian swimmer was winning medal after medal in the Olympic swimming pool, the television viewers were treated to shot-after-sideline-shot of this guy behaving in a manner that would even embarrass SEC football coaches.  The guy was a complete and total jackass from the top if his top-knotted head down to his green t-shirt that he never appeared to change.  Why did NBC subject us to this guy?  By the way, his name is Shane Tusup, but who really cares?

Silver Medal

This one goes to the goalkeeper of the US Women's soccer team, Hope Solo, for her incredibly crass and unsportsmanlike comments against the Swedish team after the Swedes defeated and eliminated from the tournament the heavily favored American team.  You will recall that Solo called the Swedish team "cowards" for employing tactics that would help to neutralize the more talented USA squad, and defeat them, which they did.  That is called smart, not cowardly, play.  "The better team didn't win tonight", Solo groused.  Probably true, but that happens a lot in sports when smart coaches come up with a smart game plan that smart, albeit less talented, players can execute.  Combine this with Solo's  history of DUI incidents and domestic violence charges (with she being the perpetrator), and one can only hope that this is the last time we see Hope Solo on a big stage again, but I wouldn't worry about her.  There's always the WWE or MMA.

Gold Medal

To be honest with you, I thought that Hope Solo had the Gold Medal H.A. all sewed up, but you have to wait things out, as swimmer Ryan Lochte proved so well early in the second week of the Games.  Claiming that he and three fellow American swimmers were robbed at gunpoint by robbers impersonating Brazilian police, the story had a bit of a fishy ring to it from the start, and those suspicions have all been proven to be accurate.

So, why does Lochte secure the Gold? Well....

1. The alleged incident occurred at 4:00 AM.  Nothing good ever happens after midnight.
2. Lochte admitted he was drunk.  Drunk at the age of 32 while out partying with three guys ten years younger than he is.  To steal a great movie line, but "drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son."
3. Lochte then flies out of Brazil to home leaving his three fellow partiers holding the bag and answering questions from the cops.
4. Several days after the fact, Lochte tweets out one of those great "Athlete Apologies", no doubt written by his agent or lawyer that had all the sincerity of a, well, an entitled athlete's apology that was written by his agent.

So there you have it.  I realize that there is still one more day of competition in Rio, but I am going to risk that no one will do anything to topple these three from the H.A. Podium.

And because the race for Gold and Silver was so close between Lochte and Solo, I bestow a special citation, the first ever DRHA (Dual River Horses Asses) Citation to the USA Olympic teammates, who revitalized the term "Ugly American".

(Photo courtesy of Bill Montrose)

And the H.A. Citation Goes To.....

It has been awhile since The Grandstander has awarded an H.A. Citation, so it is time to dust off this coveted award.

For his recent act of busting into the Pirates broadcast booth to confront Bucco announcer Greg Brown over a perceived slight, this H.A. Citation goes to Arizona Diamondbacks Baseball Operations Punjab Tony LaRussa. That was sure a class act for a Baseball Hall of Famer to perform.

So, Tony, please hang this important award on your wall, right next to your HOF Plaque.

(Photo Courtesy of Dan Bonk Enterprises)

Actually, when you come to think of LaRussa over the years - his unbelievable pompousness, his strategic contributions that have contributed strongly to the elimination of games lasting less than three hours, the DUI incident on which both the Cardinals and MLB allowed him to skate, and many other reasons, including always wearing sunglasses at night, this H.A. Citation could be considered a Lifetime Achievement Award for old Tony.

Time to Award an H.A Citation

It has been some time now, but The Grandstander now sees the need to dust off a coveted award, The H.A. Citation, after reviewing the behavior if Cleveland Browns wide receiver Josh Gordon.

A talented football player, Gordon led all NFL WR's in receiving yards last year, in spite of serving  a two game suspension for a violation of the NFL's collectively bargained substance abuse policy (emphasis mine).  However, Gordon has somewhat of a checkered personal life.

While at Baylor University, Gordon was suspended not once, but twice for substance abuse violations and was eventually kicked off of the football team.  He has had not one, not two, but three violations of the NFL's policy, and it was the third such violation that led to his being given a one year suspension from the NFL, a suspension that was upheld by the League in a decision handed down yesterday.

However, none of the above, believe it or not, has led to the awarding of The Grandstander's H.A. citation to Gordon.  No, it was Gordon's statement upon hearing the news yesterday that  - and I may not have the quote 100% accurate, but the gist of it is accurate - that he was shocked and "disappointed" that the NFL didn't express "better discretion and judgement" in the adjudication of his case.

So, it is for Josh Gordon's questioning the judgement and discretion of ANYONE ELSE in the entire world, let alone the NFL Lords of Discipline, that an H.A Citation is hereby award to Josh Gordon of the Cleveland Browns.

Josh, this one's for you!

(Photo courtesy of Dan Bonk Enterprises)

An H.A. Citation

Time for the first H.A. Citation of 2014.

For his bush league taunting of San Francisco's Michael Crabtree in the closing seconds of yesterday's NFC Championship Game, followed by his, I'm not even sure how to describe it, post-game interview with Erin Andrews, The Grandstander bestows a well-earned H.A. Citation to the Seahawks' Richard Sherman.  

(Photo courtesy of Dan Bonk Enterprises)

An H.A. Citation Is Bestowed

Today, it is time to dust off the not-so-coveted Grandstander "H.A. Citation", and award it to Arizona State University head football coach Todd Graham.  Now I know what you are saying.   Things like "Hasn't Graham already won this award multiple times?"  In fact, he has not, but only because I only began making this award earlier this year, long after Graham, who, incidentally, has no soul, more than earned the honor due to his performance at and  the manner of his departure from the University of Pittsburgh back in 2011.

So, why now, you may ask?

Did you see the story in the paper today about the airplane ride that was carrying Graham and his son, and ASU assistant coach, back to Tempe on a recruiting trip to Texas?  Seems something went wrong with the plane that caused it to free fall 25,000 feet before the pilots were able to stabilize the aircraft and make an emergency landing in New Mexico.  No one was injured.

However, while the plane was plummeting, and while the pilots were struggling mightily to right the craft and save every one's life, Coach Todd wandered into the cockpit to ask what was going on.  The pilots told him to get back to his seat.  I can imagine, and I can only hope, that they were not polite about it when they did so.

So, for taking his typical It's-All-About-Me-and-I'm-in-Charge-Attitude, and implying that trained, professional airplane pilots didn't know what they were doing, The Grandstander bestows an H.A. Citation upon Coach Todd Graham.  

This one's for you, Coach!

(Photo courtesy of Dan Bonk Enterprises)

On Ryan Braun

Even though The Grandstander went on a brief hiatus last week, the news doesn't stop, and perhaps the biggest news in baseball in thew past seven days was the acceptance of a 65 game suspension by Milwaukee's Ryan Braun.  While on vacation last week, I must have read close to a dozen different columns and stories surrounding this loathsome character, and the lame-ass "apology" he made, which did not, by the way, include any apology to the poor guy whose reputation and life that he, Braun, pretty much shattered last year by accusing him of tampering with his tainted urine sample.  Yeah, nothing like a hubris-filled, multi-millionaire ball player dumping on some poor guy whose job it is to collect your piss in a bottle!

One of my favorite stories was on some Jewish Cultural website that demanded that Braun be forever stripped of his nickname, The Hebrew Hammer!

Yep, in a field that includes the likes of Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens, it may well turn out that Braun may end up being the most contemptable PED Cheat of them all. 

For this, The Grandstander bestows an H.A. Citation upon Lyin' Ryan Braun.  Here's to you!

(Photo courtesy of Dan Bonk Enterprises)

An H.A. Citation

Everyone knows that I normally eschew politics on this Blog, but Brian O'Neill's column in today's Post-Gazette is too good to pass up:

http://www.post-gazette.com/stories/opinion/brian-oneill/state-rep-incredibly-strikes-real-phony-pose-690500/

For those of you who haven't read it, it is about Pennsylvania State Representative Jesse White from Washington County (to be honest, I do not even know whether Mr. White is a Democrat or a Republican, and I have not looked it up in order to remain apolitical and bi-partisan on this one).  Anyway, it seems that Rep. White has taken to Facebook and Twitter to attack his opposition, which is OK in an of itself, I suppose, except that Mr. White is doing so while using phony identities, usually as young women.  As I say, read the O'Neill column.

For twisting the Social Media for his own ends in a sleazy and, frankly, creepy manor, The Grandstander awards an H.A. Citation for PA State Representative Jesse White.  Here you go, Jess!

(Photo Courtesy of Dan Bonk Enterprises)

Golfing, Falling, Pirates Winning, Neal Does Well, and a New Award

Cleaning Out the Mental In-Box, Memorial Day Edition.....

• Had a delightful round of golf today at Moon Golf Club.  Well, the company - Dan Bonk, John Coley, and Fred Shugars - was delightful.  The golf, not so much.  I have been playing golf for 30-some years now and am approaching age 62, so I am what I am as a golfer, so I don't get angry anymore when I play poorly, but I do get disappointed when I just know that I'm capable of playing better.
• A note to the Moon Golf Club:  I want a rematch, at which time I intend to kick your ass!
• Hey, how about those Pittsburgh Pirates???? 31-19 after taking two of three from the Hated Brewers in Miller Park!  When things like that happen, maybe it's a sign that this is the year that the World Record Losing Streak ends. Still a lot of grass to mow, however.
• A little over a week ago, we all looked forward to what was thought to be a soft part of the Pirates schedule, 13 games with the Brewers, Astros, and Cubs.  The Pirates came through that patch with a 10-3 record.
• Now the team faces ten games against good teams, the Tigers, Reds, and Braves. Five games at home, five on the road.  I'll be happy with 5-5 on that stretch, and would love it if it included two of three against the Reds.
• 10,000th Win Contest Update:  The Pirates are playing at a .620 clip that, if maintained, would bring win #39, aka, the 10,000th Win in Team History, on the 63rd game of the season.  This pace is making Don Lancaster look like Secretariat in the 1973 Belmont Stakes.  Don called for this win to take place in game #65.  No one else is even close.  It will take a losing stretch of epic proportions (kind of like what happened last August) for Don to not take this prize.  
• Speaking of Don Lancaster, this past Tuesday he won his primary election race for Borough Council in Indiana, PA.  Go get 'em in November, Don!
• The performance of the Pirates is being sparked in large part by the following factors: (1) the Other Worldly performance of closer Jason Grilli, who became the closer due to the Joel Hanrahan trade, (2) the also Other Worldly performance by set-up man Mark Melancon, who was obtained in the Hanrahan trade, (3) the spark plug performance by catcher and free agent signee Russell Martin, who some have stated has been the team MVP, (4) five wins by Wandy Rodriguez, (5) five wins by Jeff Locke, (6) continued outstanding performance by AJ Burnett, (7) solid performances from fifth starter Jeanmar Gomez., and (8) a 3-0 start by free agent signee Francisco Liriano.
• What do the eight guys listed above have in common?  They all were brought here by the maneuverings of General Manager Neal Huntington.  Yes, I who have spent so much time and blog space bashing the NHR since the close of last season, now must give the GM credit where it is due.  Oh, he still drives me crazy with his line of say-nothing NHB, and there is still two-thirds of a season to be played, but so far, a "Well Done" to GM Neal for 2013.  Final grade to be delivered in October.
• Speaking of Joel Hanrahan, there seemed to be some gloating among Pirate Chatters (the Neal Loyalists?) when he started poorly with the Red Sox, and even some "told-you-so" type comments when he had to undergo season ending surgery, which I felt was bad form.  Hanrahan served the Buccos loyally and well, especially in 2011-12, I, for one, feel bad about what has befallen him since the trade, and wish him well when he returns in 2014.
• Do any of you out there watch "Mad Men"?  If so, do you agree that last week's episode was bizarre at best and downright awful at worst?  Let's hope that that episode was an aberration or else we could be talking shark-jumping here.
• I mentioned earlier that I will be turning age 62 in a few months. Not sure there is a correlation here, but yesterday morning, while crossing a North Side street on my way to breakfast with some friends, I fell down.  Don't know what happened, what caused the misstep, but all of a sudden, it was "DOWN goes Frazier!"   Skinned my knee, jammed my wrist, and suffered major embarrassment, but otherwise, came out okay.  The lesson is, something like this can come out of nowhere, so, as they said at the Hill Street Station "Be careful out there."
• Maybe that fall explains my complete inability to hit a wedge shot or make a putt today.
• How about that nutty Sergio Garcia?  First there was his incessant whining about Tiger Woods two weeks ago at the Players Championship, followed this week by, to be kind, racially insensitive comments about Woods at a press conference in Europe.  For all of Sergio's utterances, we bestow upon him The Grandstander H.A. Citation.  Hey, Sergio, this is for you:

(Photo courtesy of Dan Bonk Enterprises)

• The "H.A. Citation" will now become a semi-regular feature of The Grandstander. 
• And I will accept nominations for future Grandstander H.A. Citations, so let me have your suggestions.