Linda

I spent the past week on a vacation in the beautiful resort community of Hilton Head, SC.  As regular readers know, I always write about my vacations on The Grandstander.  Mostly, I do it as a sort of journal and historical record for myself, but I think that there are some readers out there who actually enjoy reading about these trips.  So, I will tell you about my most recent trip, but I can't do that without some background information.

This is the first trip that I have taken since Marilyn died in October, but I did not take this trip alone.

Meet my friend, Linda Mulzet.

Marilyn and I met Linda in 2019, when we all worked together at the Highmark Caring Place.  Linda was a new volunteer working her first group, and, in fact, she worked with me and two other volunteers in the same room with a group of six middle school aged kids.  As so often happens with volunteers at the Caring Place, we became friends and remained in touch after our ten week session was over, and even through the months when COVID-19 pretty much shut down the in-person operations of the Caring Place.

After Marilyn died, Linda reached out to me to convey her sympathies.  After talking with her and not having seen each other in almost a year, we decided to have lunch together.  Then we decided to have dinner together, and before either of us really knew what hit us, we were a "couple".

If you are surprised at the timing of me falling into a relationship so quickly, I can assure you that you could not possibly be more surprised than I.  I never planned on this happening, and certainly not within this timeframe.  However, one thing that I have learned from twelve years at the Caring Place is that there is no rulebook insofar as what life can serve up to you as you embark on your grief journey.  I can assure anyone reading this, that I remain devastated by the death of Marilyn.  I miss her every day, and I know that I will for the rest of my life.  I also know that Linda has brought joy and hope into my life at a time that I needed it the most.  As our friend Maryellen put it to us, "two things can be true at the same time."  

We tried to be circumspect in our relationship at first, trying for the most part to keep it under wraps for obvious reasons.  Around Christmas (and honestly, I'm not sure how I would have dealt with the Christmas season without her) I began telling some friends and family members that I had begun dating.   The two people that I thought would be the most upset, Marilyn's brothers George and Jim and their wives, could not have been more supportive and happy for me.  My own brothers and sister have also been great about it.  Some others were shocked, but I also know that many of them are still mourning the loss of Marilyn, so I get it.  

Most of our friends outside of the family have also been happy for us and fully support us.  Perhaps not surprisingly, we have also gotten cold stares and negative vibes from some people.  I truly value the reactions of people like one of Marilyn's very best friends, Judy P., who said that she knew that Marilyn wanted something like this for me, and from our friend Lynne, another CP volunteer, who just this week said that we "deserve to have joy in (our) lives and do not owe any explanations."  Thank you, Lynne.

At the darkest moment of my life, Linda has brought and continues to bring joy to me.  I am so lucky and so grateful that she is a part of my life.  The Grief Journey never ends, but I am glad that Linda, who also loved Marilyn and continues to honor her in the midst of our own relationship, is now here with me.