"Squeeze Me" by Carl Hiaasen

 

Friends and readers know that I have long been a fan of author Carl Hiaasen.  He is a newspaperman in Florida, and has become a full-time novelist, writing over a dozen comic crime novels that take place in the State of Florida.  Beneath the crazy crimes and criminals that he describes, and the comic elements involved with them, Hiaasen has also described the ecological devastation in his home state as a result of over-development and climate change.  He delivers a message in each of his stories that needs to be noted.

His latest newly released novel is "Squeeze Me."  The story revolves around Angie Armstrong, a "critter control" specialist in Palm Beach and West Palm Beach, Florida.  It seems that a non-native Burmese python, has found its way onto the grounds of a swanky estate where a swanky charity ball is being held.  Angie is called in to see that the snake is removed.  But what is that huge lump in the middle of the snake's body,  and is it somehow connected to the disappearance of an elderly, wealthy, and petite dowager, Kiki Pew, who was in attendance at the event?

(The invasion of Burmese pythons, non-native to North America, into the Florida Everglades is a real phenomenon.  Hiaasen explains how this has happened, and the devastation this is causing native Florida species.  The creatures are reproducing at a rate that has far exceeded the abilities of wildlife experts in trying to eliminate them from the region.) 

The crime, if it really was a crime, is described in typical Hiaasen fashion, and if you are a fan like me, you will love it.  Lots of laugh out loud moments.  What the book really is though is Hiaasen's take on West Palm's most famous resident, the Current Occupant of the White House.  In "Squeeze Me", the President and First Lady are never mentioned by name, only by the code names given to them by the Secret Service, Mastodon and Mockingbird.

A passage from pages 53-54:

The President's Secret Service code name was "Mastodon."  He loved it.

"Perfect!" he'd boomed when he was told.  "Fearless, smart, and tough."

And enormous, she'd (the First Lady) said to herself.  Don't forget f**king enormous.

On his second day in the White House, the President had ordered his chief of staff to arrange a trip to the National Zoo for a close-up look at a real mastodon.  The chief of staff wasn't brave enough to tell the President the truth, so he cooked up a story that the Zoo's beloved mastodon herd was on loan to a wildlife park in Christchurch, New Zealand.  The President scowled, muttered something about "those snotty Kiwis," and soon gotten sidetracked by another daft notion.

It goes on from there, and it's quite the portrait of the President.  In fact, it may tell a better story about the guy and his Presidency than many of the weighty historical tomes that are sure to be written in the years to come.  I don't think I need say that if you are a fan and supporter of the COOTWH, you should probably skip reading this one.

"Squeeze Me" has all the elements of a Carl Hiaasen novel, including an appearance by Skink, a character who has not made an appearance in one of these books for awhile now.  If you've read the previous novels, you know the guy I am talking about.

Four Stars from The Grandstander.

Hiaasen dedicates this novel "In memory of my brother Rob."  Rob Hiaasen was a journalist for The Capital Times, the newspaper serving Annapolis, MD.  In 2018, Rob Hiaasen and four other Times journalists were shot and killed when a shooter invaded the offices of the paper and opened fire. The gunman is in custody and awaits trial, two years after the fact.

"Razor Girl" by Carl Hiaasen

I didn't realize that it had been three (!!) years since Carl Hiaasen had released a new novel, but, as usual, it was worth the wait.  "Razor Girl" features Andrew Yancy, the Key West police detective who had been busted down to restaurant inspector, from Hiaasen's 2013 novel, "Bad Monkey".

http://grandstander.blogspot.com/2013/08/book-reviews-bye-bye-baby-and-bad-monkey.html

"Razor Girl" opens with a routine fender bender on a Key West highway when Merry (like in Christmas) Mansfield (like the movie star) accidentally rear-ends a car driven by Hollywood talent agent Lane Coolman.

Was it really an accident? Can anything  be "routine" in a Carl Hiaasen novel?  What is a hot shot Hollywood agent doing in Key West?  Will Yancy ever be able to quit checking Key West eateries for health code violations and get his badge back? And just why is Merry using a razor while driving?

Throw in the star of a redneck reality cable TV show, a New York mafia capo, a sleazy product liability lawyer and his morally ambiguous fiancé, a scam artist who sells beach sand, a cheap Key West low-life named "Blister", and a couple of horrifying creatures called Gambian pouch rats, and you have the makings of another hilarious Hiaasen adventure.

As with all Carl Hiaasen novels, I highly recommend it.

Book Reviews: "Bye Bye, Baby" and Bad Monkey"

Back in May, I wrote about a book, "The Titanic Murders" and its author, Max Allan Collins:

http://www.grandstander.blogspot.com/2013/05/the-titanic-and-thinking-machine.html

I mentioned in that post how Collins wrote a series of mystery novels that surrounded actual historical events.  Collins is an incredibly prolific writer, and he has another series that features a Chicago based private investigator named Nathan Heller.  I finally got around to reading one of these novels as well. and it's fascinating.

Heller, it seems, always involves himself in cases that involve, you guessed it, actual historical people and events, and the stories are told as first person "memoirs" by Heller himself. The plot of "Bye Bye, Baby" (2011) concerns the events surrounding the death in 1962 of Marilyn Monroe.  Heller, of course, is a fictional character, but this book is populated with real people. In addition to Miss Monroe, you will encounter people like Frank Sinatra, Jimmy Hoffa, Peter Lawford. Hugh Hefner, J. Edgar Hoover, Joe DiMaggio, and, oh yeah, Jack and Bobby Kennedy.

As he did in "The Titanic Murders", Collins spins a yarn that comes up with a somewhat plausible explanation of the circumstances that led to Monroe's death.  The research that Collins had to do to write this book is incredible.  Do I accept it as historical fact?  No, I don't, but it is entertaining, compelling, and maybe, just maybe, events could have happened the way they did in this book.

There are other Heller novels that involve our hero with Al Capone, Elliot Ness, and Amelia Earhardt, and in 2012, Collins published a Heller novel called "Target Lancer" about the JFK assassination.

I plan on reading more of them, and so should you.

I also recently read the newest novel by Carl Hiaasen, "Bad Monkey".

The book opens when a honeymooning couple on a fishing excursion off of Key West hooks, not a game fish, but a human arm.  A Key West detective who is on suspension for assaulting his mistress' husband is told by the sheriff to pawn the arm off on the Miami PD.  Of course, that doesn't happen.....

Sounds crazy, doesn't it?  Not if you are familiar with and a fan of Hiaasen's fiction.  This is no exception.  Strange and goofy characters, hilarious dialog, environmental statements, voodoo curses, a hurricane, a movie star monkey, and lots of oddball romance add up to another winner.  

Read it!